Philip's Tunnel to Nowhere 3

March 25, 2012

If i could share only one piece of advice….

Filed under: career, my psychology, spirituality — Tags: , — philip @ 2:07 pm

I certainly don’t think anyone is turning to this blog as a source of advice on how to live life (and why aren’t you? hmmmmm??? oh, that’s right, because i often wonder if i have any clue on how to live life myself). But i’ve been thinking about what would be my one pithy thing to share, as though i could ever be pithy.

Don’t torment yourself with trying to find the one blessed path of what God wants you to do with your life. Just look for any path, any good path, and trust that he will correct your course as needed. (Proverbs 3)

January 10, 2011

Caring and not caring

Filed under: my psychology — Tags: , , , , , — philip @ 10:29 am

Usually, caring about the broader context is a Good Thing. Sometimes, it’s a Bad Thing.

(more…)

December 11, 2010

I connect.

Filed under: my psychology, spirituality — philip @ 2:16 pm

The last couple of days I’ve been toying with a new identity statement, I guess you’d call it. Really it’s more of a slogan.

I connect.

It has meaning in at least three distinct dimensions:

  • Cross-cultural communication is one of the few themes uniting different segments of my life. Once I was passionate about traveling internationally. Then I became passionate about uniting Brasilian immigrants and English-speakers in Boston. Then I became passionate about doing outreach to subcultural young people. At times I’m passionate getting people to see across divides of corporate or organizational culture.
  • My brain sees connections between items that other people would find wildly disparate.
  • I naturally find empathy easy. I tend to “connect” with people I talk to, even when their value system differs radically from mine.

November 22, 2010

Milestone in optimism

Filed under: my psychology — Tags: , , , — philip @ 5:00 pm

Let the record show that tonight was the night I dropped a bowl of macaroni and cheese on the kitchen floor, shattering it into a million pieces and a huge mess. And I confess that I did start to go into “Waah! I suck at life!” mode, but the point is I stayed there for less than two seconds. Then I started to approach it as a fun logic problem, with the answer of: Go to Meijer and buy a broom.

November 14, 2010

Protected: All falling into place

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


October 10, 2010

About those N’s

Last week I left church pondering the letter “N”. In my post here I probably made it too confusing by my subtle linkage, but part of the reason “N” has caught my attention is because it’s by far the strongest component of my Myers-Briggs type.


(Shamelessly hotlinked from here.)
(more…)

October 3, 2010

Letters obsess me

Filed under: my psychology — Tags: , , , , , , , , — philip @ 2:55 pm

I’m presently a bit obsessed with the letter “N”.  OK, uppercase N.  Well, if you really push me, uppercase serifed N.

Yeah, I tend to like symbols.   As in, really really like symbols.

[Snipped out videos showing my fascination with the end zone markings at Michigan Stadium. There's obsessed, and then there's.... frighteningly weird.]

I coulda been a graphic designah….

August 4, 2010

On the Holy Spirit and hearing from God

Filed under: my psychology, spirituality — Tags: , , , — philip @ 1:12 pm

Lately I’ve been reading Francis Chan’s Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit, co-written with Danae Yankoski, which my mom had loaned me.  A couple of items I read Saturday toward the end of the book have particularly gripped my attention.

In a two-page biographical vignette, Chan chronicles how Dave Phillips was led to found Children’s Hunger Fund despite his own feelings of inadequacy for the task.  Early in their work, they received a call from a pastor in Honduras about a need for a particular medicine.  With little idea about even what that medicine was, they started praying.   A few hours later, out of the blue they got a call from a pharmaceutical company donating $8 million in that precise medicine!

We’ve all read plenty of what my former pastor would call “wowwie-zowwie stories”, where some amazing coincidence is cited as evidence of God’s power.   My intent in citing this one isn’t to throw one more on the heap; to the contrary, I struggle as one who’s heard all the stories, heard so many stories that I end up wondering how many of them are just apophenia.

But this one struck me because, as I wondered, “Why don’t I hear from God and get amazing coincidences like that?” it struck me that, in one case, I sort of did.   I remember how it felt to pray with that sort of faith.  Looking back it seems less amazing, but through late 2000 and early 2001 as I was praying for the people hanging out in the Harvard Square Pit, it seemed like the most off-the-wall notion imaginable to think that within a year I would be out there regularly as part of a street outreach.

So then…. what happened?  Why didn’t it end up as a thriving non-profit like CHF?  Was it because we stopped praying?  Not to my knowledge, no.  I remember praying ardently throughout the lifespan of H2O.

Was it because I wanted to see our efforts grow too badly, because I had a vision of people nationwide and was literally ready to quit my day job and travel around getting people on board — and so, because I wanted it so much, it became something based on human effort?  Is it not OK for our human passion for an certain goal to coincide with God’s will?  Somehow I doubt that.

I suppose the explanation all the mature Christians in my life offer is that God had some sort of lesson for me.   So what is that lesson?

Chan also tells a story about elders in his church becoming so enthralled by the work of the Holy Spirit in Acts 2 that they resolved to live it out themselves!  Apparently the Spirit pushed them to Un-American Commie excesses, because Chan writes,

We surrendered the keys to our cars, homes, and bank accounts.  The elders looked me in the eyes and said, “What’s mine is yours.  If anything ever happens to you, I will support and care for your kids as much as I would care for my own.  I will be your life insurance.”  And because they had a history of genuine sacrifices for the sake of the gospel, I believed what they said. (emphasis in original)

Now, I face a real temptation to turn a story like this into a sociological phenomenon, of jamming the work of the Spirit and Christ’s concern for the poor into almost a liberation theology framework.  I don’t think God’s constrained by how we human do-gooders think the Holy Spirit ought to be convicting the American church, by our desire to see him vindicate our righteous indignation.

But I don’t think that view is entirely wrong, either.  Where the Spirit works, concern for each other’s material well-being  results.  That fruit probably won’t lead us into the streets seeking to overturn global capitalism, but it should lead us to overturn the Darwinistic “looking out for number one,” “God helps those who help themselves” ethos in our own hearts.

If I don’t see that happening in my country’s church, is it right for me to speak out?

Let’s write a book!

As I flipped through the biography of Yankoski, and the ads for Chan’s other books, a crazy idea hit me: Maybe writing my own experiences of hearing or not knowing if I’m hearing from the Holy Spirit would be useful for others.  Maybe I should write, if not a book, at least an essay.  I could always scribble down a few thoughts,

Production of bold ideas has never really been a deficiency of my brain.  Production of impetus to follow through, well, that’s a different story.   It’s now Wednesday and I haven’t really thought about this idea since then.   But maybe I need to pray that, if God wants me to do something with these experiences involving the written word, that he would give me supernatural stamina to make it happen.

Epilogue: A two-paragraph review

This post isn’t to review Chan’s book, but it’s probably worth sharing my thoughts briefly for someone considering reading it.  I found the first portion a bit dull.  It’s hard to explain exactly why; it’s not like non-Charismatic pastor-authors emphasizing the Spirit are a dime a dozen.  Maybe it’s because I’ve been fortunate to be around intellectually powerful Christians (including not a  few Charismatics) who have put a proper emphasis on the Spirit without making him into a son et lumiere.   So Chan’s thesis is refreshing but not entirely novel to me.

Toward the end, though, I found myself identifying with an awful lot of Chan’s examples, and not just the two examples cited above.  As I thought more concretely about the Holy Spirit acting both to change me as an individual and to change the church, a natural excitement developed.  I paused in the middle of the afterword to finish off this post.  The name afterword, suggesting a throwaway chapter, does this section an injustice.  The point about not quenching the Holy Spirit’s action in others is brilliant!

So much of our cultural Christianity in the United States has developed from the Protestant work ethic, from the notion that saving for one’s future benefit is not just a privilege but a responsibility.  I don’t question the need for wise financial stewardship, but Chan seems to suggest that sometimes that’s an excuse for us to draw others back to our own self-centeredness.  Even if I don’t yet know how to tell when the Spirit is directing me to bold action in my own life, Chan’s book will make me more aware of watching for his leading in other people’s lives.

June 7, 2010

Reflections on Alabama Christian Freaks and leadership

Filed under: my psychology — Tags: , — philip @ 9:59 am

Here I consider the future of our Alabama Christian Freaks group, and equally importantly some of the lessons I’ve learned about leadership that I hope to apply in future endeavors.

Intro: The future of ACF

Naturally the drive home from Birmingham gave me a good chance not only to assess the sock drive but also to ponder where ACF is headed and to reflect on some of the bigger picture themes about leadership, my personality, and what it takes for my leadership to produce successful outcomes.

The sock drive itself was the result of some conversations between S and me. These conversations were open to all, but the aforementioned storm the last weekend of April narrowed participation. S emphatically asserted the tendency of groups like this, especially as they involve younger people, to die out after a few meetings if there’s no call to action. We talked about getting some bands together and planning an event. Because I’ve never promoted a rock show, this was way out of my comfort zone.  But I was willing to attempt it if doing so would benefit the group. However, as we discussed it we arrived at consensus that some of the same purposes would be met by a service project.  That’s why we ended up doing a sock outreach.

Now it’s time for me to bow out of “leadership” of ACF. I will be going to school several states away, and it might be a good time to transition to another leader anyway.  Perhaps God will bring along someone else who can move the project forward. I see no reason to delete the Facebook group, so perhaps it will just sit there serving the same function as 99% of groups on social networking sites, helping people to identify with a group without really doing anything. Maybe something in between will happen, with a robust online discussion or occasional potluck dinners or one rock show a year or who knows? Obviously it’s up to God to make of it what he wills.

I put the word leadership in scare quotes because there might be a feeling that I didn’t adequately perform as a leader. I won’t pull any punches here: This is a pattern that makes me very reluctant to organize a group.   When someone says to me, “Go ahead! You had the idea, now make it happen,” I immediately fret that these things tend to end up in dissatisfaction with my approach to making it happen.  Invariably, the calls to “make it happen” don’t fully consider issues of leadership style, of leadership strengths and weaknesses. So the project lurches forward before the right complementary co-leaders are in place.

Strengths and weaknesses

Here’s the thing: All of us have strong and weak points, and both have direct impact on our effectiveness as leaders. All of us need other people in our lives to help us grow on the weak points. Some of my strengths are:

  • Developing a vision
  • Buying into my own vision at the outset, without needing anything tangible to latch onto
  • Selling others on that vision
  • Passionately building relationships to help others connect
  • Open-mindedness; a desire to listen to all points of view and build consensus

Some areas where I need to learn to be better are:

  • Weeding out those plans that aren’t viable to keep them from choking out those that are
  • Having confidence in a vision even when short-term circumstances make its success uncertain
  • Maintaining my enthusiasm once I start to feel that the project is futile, even though it may not actually be futile
  • Finding other people who can compensate for my weaknesses, hence people to whom I can delegate certain tasks I’m not good at
  • Bugging others to follow through with their commitments
  • Difficulty insisting on the rightness of my own view when consensus can’t be reached.

I often joke that I have 100 ideas a day, but I can’t tell which are the one or two worth following up on.   A lot of these weaknesses derive from my fear of charging ahead halfway into a project, only to find that it wasn’t viable from the outset.  You could say it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I honestly don’t think that latter list of items makes me unsuitable for any sort of leadership. Better to be self-aware and know what you need to address than continue in denial or ignorance, unaware of the flaws that others are recognizing and complaining about behind one’s back! (And who hasn’t worked for the classic self-unaware “pointy-haired boss” sort of manager?)

Conclusion: Counting the cost

If I had this to do over again, knowing the possibility that people might be dissatisfied with the outcome, I would have to assess very carefully whether it was worth it to try to lead. But perhaps even my carefully hedged language overrates the actual level of dissatisfaction with the outcome. Perhaps the fact that we even got together four times this year and showed the love of Christ to a few homeless and others in Birmingham is itself worth the effort. That was sort of my expectation going in, that even just getting a few “underground” types together was a huge step forward, even if it didn’t lead to some massive movement.*

But I’m INFP! I don’t deal well with rejection. It’s very hard for me to step into something that might open myself up to criticism.  I crave feedback, but then my INFP nature causes me to overrate any negative feedback in my own mind, to take criticism as condemnation.  Perhaps I should push back more aggressively: “Dammit!  We met the goals I set out when I first started getting people together.  We got people together.   We built relationships.”

So here’s my conclusion: the next time I put forth a vision and someone challenges me to lead its implementation, I will be open-minded about taking on the mantle of leadership. However, I will carefully “first sit down and count the cost, whether [I have] enough to complete it.” (Luke 14.28) I will aggressively lay out my needs to succeed. I will inquire about complementary co-leaders who might be able to compensate for my weak spots. I will probably point the person challenging me to read this post.

And then, if we feel like God is putting the right people in place to complement me, I’ll go forward.

Busy Sunday: Sock distro in B’ham / ACF swan song / Oneonta wandering

Filed under: acf, meta, my psychology, underground — philip @ 8:44 am

Stay tuned for wonderfully insightful posts on each of these topics, which I’ll link above as I finish them.

Older Posts »

Powered by WordPress